Category: Personal Development

What you can learn about emotions from LeBron James.

In 2010 LeBron faced a really difficult decision in his career.

For the first time in his career, he became a free agent, which meant he could leave the Cleveland Cavaliers and decide where to go next.

Cleveland treated LeBron like a God. They nurtured him since he was 18. They loved him as much as he loved them.

LeBron, in a live interview called “The Decision”, provided a window into his decision-making process.

He said: “When I make a difficult emotional decision… LeBron James has to do what makes LeBron James happy.”

The blogosphere erupted after this interview. “The guy is a narcissist, he talks about himself in the third person.”

What’s interesting though is that the moment he says “difficult emotional decision” he switches to the third person.

Psychologists have found that talking about yourself in the third person is a self-control process that can powerfully influence your ability to control your emotions, thoughts and behaviours.

It’s a self-distancing trick that helps you to break out of your internal dialogue and coach yourself as if you would coach a friend.

If you found this useful, double-tap on LeBron’s face and also tell me what’s your favourite self-control tip below.

Loving you, Angelos

I came across a post this week on Wall Street Oasis where people debate whether it’s worth pursuing a career in investment banking.

Interns and prospects, you have to understand that online forums serve different purposes. Besides information or networking opportunities, people in these forums are looking for a place to vent and let out their emotions.

Personally, I’m not against this. The finance industry can be tough and everyone—not only analysts—often go through tough times.

The current Covid WFH period is definitely a tough one for a lot of people.

The fact that 1 out of 5 posts on Wall Street Oasis is another “this is no life/I’m out/I’m off to tech” post doesn’t mean that all those people are going to act on what they say.

Some do and that’s great. But most people just talk and this is a way to discharge and feel better after another 14 hr day. That’s okay too. We all do it. It’s the same as meeting a friend for drinks after work and they start…. “Fuck, I’m sick of my boss, I need to get the fuck out of that place etc.” That’s okay. No big deal.

You are young and you have to try stuff and finance is a cool thing to try.

I did and I don’t regret a single minute of that 5-year experience. I learned about myself, people, finance, business, communication, politics… Excel! I’m grateful for that experience.

Whatever way you’re considering to follow in your lives, there will be people who will say go left and people who will say go right. You have to pick a way. You may end up liking that way, you may not.

And if later on, you decide to choose a totally different way, it doesn’t mean that you wasted your time. It doesn’t mean you will always be behind those who took that way earlier than you in their careers. No, no, no! You will be UNIQUE. You can kick their ass because of your different mindset, experiences and skills. You will the VC, entrepreneur, asset manager, who before did M&A’s, PE, tech, consulting, and knows all sorts of people in different industries and is a great manager and has worked internationally and and and…

Whatever you’ve done in your lives—your experiences, the skills you’ve built, the human capital, the lessons you’ve learned—everything makes you UNIQUE in whatever you decide to pursue next in your career. What you bring to the table today is always unique because of the unique path you went on until you got here.

So, allow yourself to explore, experiment, and try different stuff. Again, IB is a cool thing to try for whatever reasons you may have right now… even if it’s just for the money. Why not? Each one has different values/dreams/criteria and those change during our lives anyway.

Go try investment banking or anything else you wish.

With love for young people, Angelos.

An investment banker said to me: “I hate that beyond the constant anxiety of always being on edge, I cannot escape thinking about work whether awake or not, and it’s ruining my sleep and making me more miserable. Do you have any tips on how to separate myself from work?”

First, I can appreciate that you “hate being unable to escape thinking about work”. I’ve been there.

However, being unable to switch off is not the problem. The problem is that you “hate” being unable to switch off—the fact that you don’t accept yourself when you can’t switch off.

Human beings have an innate capacity to recover from any negative emotion very fast. Your survival brain—the old “caveman” brain that controls emotions and activates stress—starts the recovery process (switching off) ONLY when it perceives you to be safe.

But when you “hate” your anxiety, when you desperately run away from your thoughts, when your self-critic wakes up and you compare yourself to others, your thinking brain—your intellect, the part of your brain that does the DCF and the financial modelling—gets in the way of the survival brain’s automatic and fast recovery.

Stress activation and recovery is 100% a survival brain’s job. Your thinking brain has absolutely NO power over your survival brain. Not only does it have no power but all the judgemental, rational, escapist, devaluing, denying thoughts that you use to calm yourself down cause more stress activation.

Because your survival brain goes like, “Oh this dude is really freaked out. I’d better let these stress hormones stick around for a little longer”. This becomes a vicious circle: more stress, more “hating yourself”, more thoughts, more frustration, more stress and so on.

You are a genius at maths but your survival brain doesn’t give a shit about your intellect. The survival brain only wants to protect you so you live another day. I know it’s exaggerating but evolutionary speaking, this is how the human species survived.

So don’t use logic to switch off your emotions. Emotions are to be felt—not to be thought over and down.

What should you do then?

When you become aware that you’re stressed, pause and focus on the sensations in your body.

In what area of your body do you feel the anxiety? You may feel some tension, or tingling, or cold hands/legs, a headache, whatever. Focus on those sensations.

You may also use mantras of the type: “I forgive myself for not being able to control my thoughts. I give up. These thoughts may stay with me for as long as they need to. I give up. I forgive myself”.

Welcome all thoughts. Let them be there. And when you are caught up in your thinking again, just forgive yourself and direct your attention back to the sensations in your body. As many times as needed.

This is how your thinking brain becomes an ally to your survival brain.

Remember though: This is a practice that requires time and repetition.

This is not Xanax, alcohol, nicotine, cocaine or any other coping habit that masks your unwanted feelings for a while before they come back stronger.

This is a practice that builds your resilience and trains you to become unshakeable in the face of anxiety or any negative feeling.

And if you currently rely on coping habits such as alcohol, nicotine, etc, I understand. Practise for 5 minutes every day. That’s a good start.

Loving you, Angelos