Author: Angelos

By the way, I don’t have anything against snakes.

It may appear that they want to harm you.

The real problem is NOT you though.

The truth is more complicated…

It could be your boss’ subconscious fear and insecurity.

It could be some sort of childhood trauma.

It could be that they were unloved.

They may be threatened by your presence.

What if they lose their job?

What if they don’t get the love and acceptance they crave so much?

I repeat: It’s NOT you.

Although it can be hard to see, even snakes have good intentions even if their actions are sometimes horrendous.

Often it is not easy to forgive, but trust me—you can.

Even when you’ve been constricted, crushed and bitten.

You can still forgive the snake.

For you and for them.

Loving you, Angelos

In the past, I thought that would never be possible.

But now I see it is.

How?

When the MAJORITY of the leaders are toxic, they can run the show without problems.

They back each other up.

And everyone below them does the work—and it’s exceptional work.

They are top-rated, conscientious, and hard-working.

They see what’s going on and operate from a place of fear and insecurity.

This is how a corrupt system works.

If you’re a diamond in a toxic organisation, remember this:

The grass is greener and diamonds are valued on the other side.

Loving you, Angelos

If you see a colleague cry… 😥

Don’t say:

🚫 Are you OK?

🚫 What’s wrong?

🚫 Everything’s gonna be fine.

You can ask:

✅ What are these tears expressing?

✅ What are these tears of?

They could be tears of joy, tears of relief, tears of letting go.

Loving you, Angelos

My client at Goldman shared this unbelievable fact with me.

This is what they call a utility software at Goldman! 😯

It’s a utility to which everyone has access and can perform changes.

They call it…

Point Finger of Blame!

Why?

Because you can always see who’s made the last change in the code.

And if a system breaks, everyone knows who to point the finger to.

Another strategist at Goldman told me it’s just a funny word play inspired by the git blame command (git is a version control system for software development).

I’ve met some of the most top-performing people at Goldman but still…

I’m curious…

How does the person who’s about to tweak the code feel?

Does that name motivate them to do better work?

Does that name lead to fewer programming mistakes?

I don’t have the answer.

I guess it depends on the person, their beliefs, culture but tell me..

What’s your take on this?

Loving you, Angelos

One of my mental health mentors once said to me:

“I had a panic attack last week—probably because of the jet lag”.

I thought…

What? The self-regulation guru I’m paying all this money to has panic attacks?

And he’s also talking openly about it?

Later I understood that “talking openly about it” and “being OK about it” was the resource I needed from my coach.

When you are afraid or ashamed of your anxiety, it comes back stronger.

When you accept your anxiety, it goes away.

Loving you, Angelos

This is what my mentor writes in his diary!!!

In his to-do list, you’ll see items such as:

“Love the neighbours, love my wife, love the bakery shop owner”.

Love is a muscle that—as with all muscles—you have to exercise.

Love doesn’t always come naturally to me.

But when I bring someone to mind and think about them, I feel more and more love for them.

That has an effect on me too. I relax. It does my heart good.

It’s about slowing down. It’s like meditating about a person.

You have to be in a state of love to love others.

It depends on your state.

Don’t force it.

It takes time and that’s OK.

Loving you, Angelos

I always wanted to master ONE skill in my life:

Controlling my emotions.

Hacking anxiety, frustration, guilt, and anger.

Because I found those emotions unbearable.

I hated them.

Who wants to be around someone who feels all those emotions?

I was determined to prove to everyone that I could choose what to feel and what not to feel.

I tried everything: meditation, yoga, mindfulness, spirituality, nutrition, breathing, affirmations, hypnosis.

I read hundreds of books, spent thousands on courses and gurus.

I was learning a lot, becoming wiser and … falling flat on my face in the end.

And there you go: more frustration, more anxiety, more emotional instability.

The more I was striving to control my emotions, the more they controlled me.

Until one day, I gave up.

And I allowed myself to feel anything when I was alone or in front of others.

At an interview, in a meeting room, on a stage, on a date…

Mastery is not being able to switch on and off emotions.

Mastery is being comfortable with feeling anything!

Mastery is not caring about how others perceive you—either anxious or not anxious.

However, if the way they react to you makes you feel uncomfortable occasionally, that’s still OK.

You are open to that possibility. That’s mastery.

Loving you, Angelos