Why asking your cofounder for help is crucial…
I’ve coached more than 120 founders and I see this pattern again and again…
Founders are afraid to open up or show up vulnerable to their cofounders.
Wrong. And here’s why:
I respect you for being heroic and taking so much on your shoulders.
It shows your character—and I admire you.
It comes with a lot of short-term bonuses too.
You receive the admiration and respect of your cofounder, you win everyday battles until…
One day you realise that it’s not sustainable anymore!
When you no longer can be heroic, the “self” will try to correct the imbalance, ie. being heroic vs receiving someone else’s heroism.
How?
Through emotions of anger, frustration, and irritation.
And then your cofounder starts picking up these emotions.
They may say something that you’d normally consider “innocent”, to which you now react because of all these piled-up emotions.
Your cofounder is confused: “Where did that come from? Why is he/she behaving like that?”
You see… this is the perfect recipe for damaging a relationship.
This is much worse than asking for help and showing up vulnerable.
Opening up and asking for help is not easy.
I understand.
It also requires trust.
But the sooner you test that trust, the better.
You have to “expose yourself” as early as possible in your relationship with your cofounder to test and solidify that trust.
Another reason founders are reluctant to ask for support has to do with the typical “resilient founder” stereotype.
Founders are machines, suck it up and drive on, right?
Yes and no.
Founders are smart too.
True resilience means you tell your cofounder or the team when you’re not feeling resilient so that they can step in and help you.
This is how you two together—and the whole team—become “collectively resilient”.
This is the basic idea of risk management:
Everyone in the team steps in to save one or more members of the team.
That’s the leverage you have in a startup. A cohesive team, fast flow of information, and strong trust.
Otherwise, what’s the point of this startup?
And this cohesive, aligned, streamlined team in which everyone trusts each other is to what you want to keep invariant as the team grows—so that you build a strong company culture.
To take this a little further…
This inner work, the trust, the vulnerability, the team spirit are your hedges against “failure” if this thing doesn’t go.
And it’s what will give you as cofounders and team a real sense of fulfilment during the hard times until you succeed.
Ask for the support you need. Open up. Communicate. Trust your cofounder.
This is leadership and this is what you want to instil in all your team as you grow.
Developing a strong relationship with your cofounder is the biggest investment.