Do you know the worst type of anxiety?
The most counterintuitive?
The most disguised?
The happiness anxiety!
Is there such anxiety?
Oh yes!
Here’s how it works:
When you suffer from low self-esteem and something good happens in your life… you may feel happy but also confused…
“Hold on… that’s not how things usually are for me!”
“That’s really cool but round the corner it’s going to be really awful!”
Joy creates conflict with your deepest views of yourself.
And this triggers anxiety!
So, how do you overcome this anxiety?
By sabotaging yourself and reducing joy.
And you end up back in control.
“I knew it was too good to be true”.
Homeostasis. Equilibrium. Business as usual.
This behaviour is rational. When you die by your own hand, at least you’re still in control.
You spare yourself the anxiety of waiting for destruction by somebody else.
How to Overcome the Happiness Anxiety
Now that you know how it works—go back to your life and carefully observe.
It’s hard to spot, so pay close attention.
See if you can get through today without undermining your good feelings.
First of all, now that you know how the happiness anxiety works, you can catch it on its game.
Next time you experience anxiety when things are going “unreasonably well”, first welcome the anxiety—don’t fight it!
There is an unconscious part of you that wants to protect you, to make sure you’re safe and well.
Observe the thoughts with non-judgmental curiosity.
Your unconscious communicates with you through feelings and sensations in the body.
Focus all your attention on those feelings and sensations.
You may catch yourself try to rationalise or compare yourself to others or escape these thoughts—”I shouldn’t feeling like that, look at you things are going well and you’re not grateful, etc.”
Welcome all those thoughts too.
And then go back to those feelings and bodily sensations:
“Mmm… I’m feeling x, y, z…. oh here’s some tension….”
Scan all your body for any type of sensations; you’ll find a lot there.
Practice this every day. You’ll get better with practice.
The point is to get familiar with those feelings and sensations that anxiety produces without having to reduce the joy.
And a tip from neuroscience: When you feel anxious your cognitive abilities are compromised BUT the part of your brain that helps you sense bodily sensations is not—irrespective of the level of the stress arousal. So, you always have a channel accessible for communicating with your unconscious.
Loving you, Angelos