Should a leader be vulnerable? Can a leader be *too* vulnerable? I don’t know…
One part of me (the idealist) goes… yeah go full-on vulnerable… this will help people build trust with you, you show leadership by allowing and inviting them to be vulnerable, and you make them feel good about themselves, others, and you.
Another part (the mathematician) goes… Bro, remember game theory and the prisoner’s dilemma? Cut all this romantic leadership BS and stick to your Nash strategy…
Another part (the psychologist) goes… If A shows up very vulnerable to B, that may trigger B’s anxiety which can lead to impulsive and irrational decisions. And then A goes… “Hey bro, chill… I was just trying to build trust with you by being vulnerable!!” Oh nooo!!! Too late!
Another thing is, followers want strong leaders who make them feel safe. This has roots in prehistoric tribes, cavemen and is as relevant today I guess.
And then the law of large numbers comes to mind… If you perform the same experiment a large number of times, you’ll get there, ie. by being vulnerable, in the short term you may suffer a big loss, but in the long term it can make people see you through different eyes, ie. strong, trustworthy, a hero… or an idiot maybe!!??? Not sure… what do you think?
It’s probably instinct and doing what feels right in the moment??? Terrible advice, I know!
This is what one of my mentors, leader, and partner at Goldman Sachs Harit said:
I like the situationally agile and adept. And the reassurance too. Valid point. That made me think, how about a hybrid model:
“It’s really tough, right now I don’t have a clue how we’re gonna get out of this (vulnerability)…
BUT (a la neuro-linguistic programming you’re diminishing what you’ve just said)
…. I know for sure we’ll find a way (reassurance).
Here’s another perspective:
That reminded me of Aristotle. In the Nichomachean Ethics, Aristotle coins the term mesotes, an orientation toward the mean between “too much” and “too little”. But mesotes is not the average or middle point; rather it’s a function of several variables such as the situation, the people, the time, the place, etc. So for Jan above, there are certain cases where he knows for sure from experience (learning) that he shouldn’t let “romantic ideals force through decisions”. So the mesotes can be one of the extremes in specific cases because in those cases this is what experience has shown to be the right policy.
Here’s a business owner perspective:
So, in certain cases who cares about your vulnerability? Let them share their story and decide whether to be vulnerable or not!
Also, another thing that I’m thinking is… No matter what the “objective” perception of win or loss is, there is also the subjective experience. One can source a lot of power and fulfillment in doing what they think and believe is right (values, principles, ethics, etc.), ie. in this instance: not being afraid of appearing vulnerable. So one may have lost it all but they can still feel extremely proud of themselves, content, and strong believing that they did the right thing.
What are your thoughts?
With love, Angelos.