One of the reasons for your chronic pain is that you may not have learned to accept or express your emotions.
As with all new skills, this can take time.
Question: I was taught not to cry or be emotionally expressive as a child. My parents (and their parents too) put a high value on not showing emotion. Now, there are a lot of times where I feel like a good cry would be really cathartic, but I can’t cry. I’ve talked to my therapist—we agree that it’s ok for me to cry but I can’t get it to happen. I’m also not emotionally expressive in happy situations and it drives my husband nuts! What should I do?
There is no rush to do what you haven’t been taught or allowed to do for years.
Seeing it is already HUGE progress for you.
Sharing this concern is a big step on its own.
Why not allow it to happen naturally—the same way you learn to do something new?
Learning applies to your emotions and expressing yourself too.
Why cry when you don’t feel like crying?
Why should you jump to the other side of the river overnight?
There is no need to force your emotions.
A Limiting Belief Wasn’t Always Limiting
Before you change a limiting belief, it’s important to understand why it was there in the first place and how it benefitted you in the past—this cultivates self-compassion and compassion for those who taught you this behaviour.
If you see your situation in a more compassionate way, you may cry, by the way. But don’t see this as a hack for your emotions.
If you do something with an intention behind it, it won’t work— especially when it comes to emotions.
As soon as we realise that a learned behaviour doesn’t serve us any more, we often want to change it immediately.
Fighting old habits can cause frustration and anger to grow inside us.
Instead, when you observe them with compassion and curiosity, you can leave bad habits behind you effortlessly.
You may find that holding your emotions back might have served you well sometimes.
It may not have eased your pain but I’m sure that it may have helped you and your parents.
You have decided that you want to feel and express your emotions more freely at this stage of your life.
Cross the river of change on a boat of compassion and curiosity. You don’t have to jump to the other side.
This is a voyage that you don’t have to rush.
With love, Angelos
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